The biological transition to puberty has always marked a critical point in a primary care pediatrician’s relationship to a patient. Adolescents’ capacity for abstract reasoning, their movement to autonomy, their nuanced sense of identity, their need for privacy, and their emerging sexuality together give the pediatrician an opportunity and a responsibility to create a safe place to talk. Your office can be an oasis from parents, peers, and a society that seems saturated with sexuality. You can be trusted more than the Internet and offer discussions that are leavened by your long-standing relationship with the patient.
The growing public awareness, acceptance, and legal standing given to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals represents welcome societal progress, and we sense that amidst this richer public conversation, a growing number of children and adolescents are presenting with questions or worries about their own emerging sexual orientation or gender identity. We would like to start with our key takeaway: Discussions about sexual orientation and gender identity do not require that you give answers or predict the future. Focus instead on being a curious, compassionate, and nonjudgmental listener, and you will be effective at helping your patient to better manage new, uncertain, and possibly stressful feelings.
Dr. Susan D. Swick
Our focus today is how to create a safe setting and specifically how to ask about and discuss sexual orientation. Most teenagers will wonder at some point about their orientation. Studies suggest that among adults, 5%-10% are attracted to the same sex and 3% describe themselves as gay or bisexual. Such surveys are very challenging, though, and in our experience, these percentages are higher. Sexual orientation is believed to exist on a continuum rather than in a simple binary state – some people identify as purely homosexual or heterosexual, and the rest exist somewhere in the middle. Sharing this fact alone can offer a very helpful perspective to young people who are feeling pressure to “figure out” if they are gay or straight.
While sexual orientation describes whom a person is attracted to, gender identity is a person’s internal sense of his or her own gender. It emerges in childhood and becomes more rich and nuanced in adolescence and adulthood, and, like sexual orientation, it is also believed to exist on a continuum rather than in a simple binary state. Less than 0.1% of youth will experience gender dysphoria, or the pressing feeling that their gender identity is not the same as their phenotypic sex. While questions about gender identity should be approached with the same curious, compassionate, and nonjudgmental style, we will not discuss the management of patients with gender dysphoria here. It is a very complex (and controversial) topic. And, as a practical matter, sexual orientation will likely be a more common issue with your patients, whereas questions about gender identity will come up much less frequently.
Dr. Michael S. Jellinek
It is worth knowing that there is a range of mental health issues that are associated with the stress of feeling comfortable with one’s sexual identity. There is some evidence that young people who identify as gay or bisexual have elevated risk for mood disorders (depression), anxiety disorders, conduct disorder, and substance use disorders, but this finding has not been consistent (Am J Public Health. 2010:100[12]; 2426-32). However, there is unequivocal evidence that there is an elevated risk for suicide attempts in lesbian, gay, or bisexual (LGB) youth above their heterosexual peers. One survey found that 9th-12th grade students who identified as LGB were up to seven times as likely to have a suicide attempt as were their peers who identify as heterosexual. This risk is especially pronounced in male adolescents and continues into adulthood, when there is an elevated risk for suicide completion among adult males who identify as homosexual, although not in adult females (J Homosex. 2011 Jan;58[1]:10-51). Importantly, the risk for suicide attempt in LGB adolescents remains elevated even in those adolescents without any diagnosable mental illness, likely attributable to the stresses of isolation, family conflict, stigmatization, or bullying that LGB adolescents are likely to experience.
Asking your early-adolescent patients in a calm and comfortable manner about sexual feelings builds an environment in which thoughts, feelings, and questions about sex and sexuality are more easily shared. It is important to find language that feels like yours, which you can use with ease. Perhaps starting with, “At about your age, I ask every patient of mine whether they are beginning to have sexual feelings. This is when you really want to be around someone, in a way that’s more powerful and different from even your favorite friend. Some people call it getting butterflies in your stomach.” If your patient recognizes what you are talking about, you might continue, “Do you feel attracted to boys or girls or both? Do you have those feelings about kids in your class or people you know, like a teacher? Perhaps about a celebrity in a TV show or a band?” You should absolutely reassure them, “You don’t have to talk about anything you do not want to, but you should know that this is a normal part of becoming a teenager. I talk about this a lot with patients who are younger and older than you are. I keep what we talk about very private, and sometimes this is the only place a teenager feels safe to ask questions.” If you start this process early enough – by the start of middle school – the patient will probably be a bit embarrassed or giggle and not talk much. But, by the next annual physical or the one after that, the issue will be more familiar and less charged. A meaningful discussion may start.