With patients who do describe feeling attracted to people of the same sex, more specific questions may be appropriate. You should expect these feelings to exist on a continuum: You may encounter a school-age child with great clarity about exactly whom she is attracted to and what that means, or an older teenager who is far less certain, responding to a less intense interest or having been told by a peer that he is probably gay. It can be powerfully reassuring to remind your patient that adolescence is when we start to figure out to whom we are attracted. They don’t have to decide, but just be aware of these feelings as they emerge, essentially getting to know themselves without any feelings of urgency or pressure. You might ask, “Have you wondered if you were gay or bisexual? Have you spoken to any friends about your feelings or have you experimented with a boy or girl to try and figure this out?” It’s very helpful if you ask if they are worried or stressed by these feelings. Some young people will suffer from internalized homophobia, which may be helped by your accepting stance or may require a referral for more ongoing support. It can be valuable to find out if they are dating people of the same sex, or if their “relationships” have all been online. While this “virtual” dating may seem safer, it may not help them better understand themselves and may expose them to exploitation or predatory behavior. If your patient is sexually active, you should be comfortable talking with them about the risks of unprotected sex and same-sex safe-sex practices.
It is particularly important to ask your adolescent LGB patient about whom they have told, and what responses have they gotten. The presence of good friends and loving family members is critical to all adolescents’ emotional well-being. If they have talked about their sexual orientation with their peers, have their friends been supportive, or has it left them more isolated at school? You should find out if they have been teased or bullied, and ask specifically about online teasing or harassment. If they are being bullied, how have they handled that? Find out also if they feel free to ask or talk about this subject with their parents. If not, try to understand if they are simply embarrassed and unsure how to bring it up, or if there is a strong sense that they will be shamed or even rejected by their parents. If the parents are truly shaming or rejecting, it will be critical to consider what kind of support may be necessary. Teens who are facing isolation or bullying at school may benefit from resources such as a gay-straight student alliance or a community organization dedicated to issues facing LGB youth. For patients who are facing hostile or rejecting parents, it can be protective to connect them with a therapist as well, as you are mindful of their marked isolation and subsequently heightened risk for mood problems and even suicide attempts.
Along a similar vein, it is very important that you are aware of your own comfort level with these issues. While discussing sexual orientation may feel awkward if it is new for you, it is important to be realistic if you cannot be supportive of your patients who are gay. If for religious or other reasons you are not comfortable talking about sexual orientation in an accepting, nonjudgmental manner, you should seek guidance on how to thoughtfully care for your LGB patients or appropriately refer them to someone who can provide a more-supportive treatment setting.
When you create an office that makes sexuality a safe topic for discussion, you should expect that you will hear questions or concerns about which you yourself may not know the answers. Do not panic, just maintain your posture of being a curious, compassionate, and nonjudgmental listener, and then look for the answers. We are delighted this news organization has devoted a column to the optimal care of LGBT youth (LGBT Youth Consult) and encourage the primary care pediatrician to “never to worry alone,” and instead get some advice and expert teammates when dealing with these complex and important issues.
Dr. Swick is an attending psychiatrist in the division of child psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston, and director of the Parenting at a Challenging Time (PACT) Program at the Vernon Cancer Center at Newton Wellesley Hospital, in Newton, Mass. Dr. Jellinek is professor of psychiatry and of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, Boston.