For people who feel hopeless, I often describe this true story. A pilot was flying a jet cross-country when his engines flamed out and the plane began spinning downward. He tried everything, but nothing worked until he lowered the landing gear. This changed the vortex of forces, so that when the pilot went through his emergency procedures again he was able to pull the plane out of the death spiral.
When people become paralyzed by their problems, you can say the equivalent of “what’s your landing gear?” What small thing you could do that might create a different experience for you?
DR. REDIGER: So you’re saying, “If the big picture is too overwhelming, what’s something small you can do today?”
DR. KAUFFMAN: Yes, but not that the small thing is insignificant. As in the case report I submitted (Case Report 2), doing a small thing that makes a difference in a huge problem increases one’s internal locus of control. Feeling more empowered may lead the person to take on another thing.
DR. REDIGER: People have enormous resources that they don’t always know how to tap into. We may be experiencing a material recession but also an opportunity to recover what truly matters to us.
DR. KAUFFMAN: We’re talking about challenging people’s values and encouraging flexibility of thinking. This is a low-cost, powerful strategy that anyone can use to cope with the economic recession.
DR. PALMER: So you begin by challenging assumptions, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), adaptive mechanisms, coming up with a plan, and implementing the plan, then being flexible, assessing if it’s working, and—if it’s not—coming up with another plan or revising it. That process has to be done first, before things I would recommend that are unrelated to the person’s immediate problem. If somebody tells you, “I just got laid off from work,” and you say, “Exercise could help,” he’s going to say, “Did you not hear me? I just got laid off from work.”
DR. KAUFFMAN: Evidence supports the positive psychology that 2 factors are key to sustaining hope:
- a sense of agency that you can achieve a goal
- multiple pathways planned out to reach the goal.4
Together, these 2 factors—which Snyder called “the will and the way5—are the highest predictors of performance, health, and ability to withstand adversity.
DR. PALMER: Along with CBT, I remind patients to stay connected, to see and talk to people every day. This doesn’t mean getting together to watch television; it means having real conversations. Other people can help you get unstuck. Evidence also indicates that a social network mitigates against depression and anxiety. The happier your friends are, the happier you are.6
Coaching the ‘stuck’ executive after a job loss
Mr. A, age 45, is receiving executive coaching after being fired from his $1.5 million job as head of a consulting firm. He has half-time custody of his 2 children and pays hundreds of thousands of dollars per year in alimony and child support. He has a history of depression and anxiety and has been treated in the past with escitalopram.
During initial coaching sessions, Mr. A identifies himself as a victim and ruminates about how to get back at “the evil empire,” as he defines his former employer and his ex-wife. Mr. A says it seems odd not be at the top anymore. He feels stuck, depressed, and lost. We examine his role in his job and marital difficulties and identify skills he needs for a successful job search, career, and future relationships.
Early goals include becoming less chaotic and avoidant and building self-esteem. Stress management therapy is useful for his anxiety and avoidance. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy help him access his strengths in new ways.
He transitions from a verbal avalanche of complaints to dialogue and self-exploration. He moves from avoiding a job search to trying to find what would “float my boat,” even if it means far lower income. He also becomes sanguine about work opportunities during the economic recession.
He creates lists of networking opportunities and reports on his successes and failures. Eventually, he works on his search at least 4 hours a day. After disappointments, we examine how he can keep himself going, increase awareness of how he is communicating, and engage in self-care to keep up motivation.
He continues to pursue opportunities and focus on the process rather than the outcome of his job search. He now sees himself as challenged by his circumstances and not as much a victim of them.—CAROL KAUFFMAN, PhD, ABPP, PCC