This is turning out to be an amazing month. I’m in the Medical ICU and learning so much not only about my patients, but also about myself. Once my training is over, I may never be around this many very sick patients in one place again, much less be responsible for their care. And each of these patients provides an opportunity to learn such a vast amount. Understanding each patient’s condition in terms of systems leaves me marveling at how complex the human body is.
Family members sit by the patient’s bed as often as our visitor policy allows. I have a new appreciation for what a difficult task it is to update them about their loved ones, balancing compassion against the requirement to report facts about status and overall prognosis. These encounters have been eye opening and a privilege.
It’s such a humbling experience to admit a patient who is in septic shock or a patient who coded on the floor and know that part of me is confident in my knowledge and other part is scared for the patient.
Luckily, my senior resident is there to keep me balanced and to offer support.
An afternoon walk through the hallways offers multiple glimpses of family members sitting vigil at bedsides and makes me wonder about my own mortality and how one day I will be the patient that an intern pre-rounds on. What do I want my own code status to be? How will I feel about being in a strange place away from my home and having different people come by and poke and prod me? I’ve gotten into the habit of telling my patients who I am every time I step into the room, even if they are on a ventilator and sedated because there’s a slight chance that they can hear and understand me. For the sake of it making a difference to them, I want them to know who I am and that I’m there to care for them.
This month has been tough both physically and emotionally, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. With the support of my peers and the guidance of the nurses, the fellows, attendings and the senior residents, the service has been invaluable to my education.