Commentary

Infected with COVID-19: One psychiatrist’s story

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Emil: Some people have asked me if this experience has changed my perspective. It could have, but I went through something worse 10 years ago when I was first brought back from the “mostly dead.” After that, I realized the most important things in life are the people you love and the people who love you; the good stuff is “gravy” and everything else isn’t worth spending much time or energy on. The first thing I said to Anne when we were face-to-face, as I entered the rehab facility (with masks on, of course), was “I can’t do this to you again.”

Anne: One of the most inhumane aspects of COVID is that you can’t be with your loved one while they are sick. Last time I spent 10 to 12 hours a day at the bedside. This time I couldn’t be there at all. It was especially hard because I knew from the last time how much my presence meant to him. If I left, he would get agitated. His heart rate would come down by 10 beats when I sat next to him.

When we had our first post-ventilator conversation on Father’s Day, he was surprised I was so excited to talk to him. Somehow, he thought I had abandoned him. What he didn’t know was that I was thinking about getting a job in Housekeeping at the hospital just so I could go see him!

Emil: In the end, I’m now back to baseline and grateful I’m alive. I still have things I want to do professionally and personally, and am appreciative I’ll have more time for those. However, I am appalled at how a serious public health issue has been turned into a political weapon by “science deniers” and that this is continuing to kill our citizens. That’s not a nightmare from when I was ill. It’s the “day-mare” we are living now.

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