Trading Funerals for the Bedside
Like many other oncologists, Charles Blanke, MD, finds that going to patients’ funerals makes the loss seem more profound. Being at the bedside when they die is not as painful, he said. In fact, being there when his patients die offers him some comfort. He rarely misses a patient’s death because now Dr. Blanke’s patients can schedule their departure.
An oncologist at the Knight Cancer Institute in Portland, Oregon, Dr. Blanke specializes in end-of-life care with an emphasis on death with dignity, also known as medical aid in dying. He admits it’s not a role every physician is comfortable with.
“If you’re paralyzed by grief, you can’t do this for a living,” he said. But he’s able to do the work because he genuinely feels he’s helping patients get “the relief they so strongly desire” in their last moments.
When cancer care can’t give them the life they wanted, he can give them control over when and how they die. And the ability to honor their last wishes offers him some closure as well.
“You know what kind of end they have. You know it was peaceful. You see them achieve the thing that was the most important to them,” he said.
Despite this process, he still encounters some circumstances utterly heart-wrenching — the very young patients who have advanced disease. Some of these patients choose to die because they can’t afford to continue treatment. Others don’t have a support system. In these instances, Dr. Blanke is often the only one in the room.
Believe it or not, he said, the paperwork — and there’s a lot of it in his line of work — helps remind Dr. Blanke that patients’ last wishes are being honored.
Making Changes
After Dr. Lewis was confronted by his partner, he began to face the shortcomings of his own coping strategies. His practice hired a social worker to help staff process difficult experiences. After the loss of every patient, the practice comes together to share and process the loss.
For him, funerals remain helpful, providing a sort of solace, so he continues to go when he can. But how to grieve is something each doctor has to figure out, he said.
Deaths still hit hard, especially the ones he doesn’t see coming. The patients who remind him of his dad can also be hard. They restart a cycle of grief from his teenage years.
The difference now is he has space to voice those concerns and someone objective to help his process.
“It’s a privilege to prepare [patients for death] and help them build their legacy,” he said. But it’s also an unrelenting challenge to navigate that grief, he said.
Still, the grief lets Dr. Lewis know he’s still engaged.
“The day I don’t feel something is probably the day I need to take a break or walk away.”
A version of this article appeared on Medscape.com.