I read your Letters From Maine column entitled “A defining Mom-ent” with humor and, admittedly, a bit of disbelief. First, allow me to say, I am glad that in 2014, you are sharing and encouraging this mom-ent of awareness. I hope you will also allow me to say, “Really?! It is almost 2015” – (said with humor and exhaustion!)
I am a woman who also is a daughter, wife, parent of two children, pediatrician, and trustee on a foundation. I had the experience of having a pediatrician walk into my hospital room after delivering our youngest child, 4 years ago, and calling me “mother.” It was jarring. I thought to myself, “I am not your mother. Why are you calling me Mom?” I was so tired from having given birth that I did not have the energy to address the complete and utter amazement that term carried at that moment.
Later, it occurred to me that female pediatricians never referred to me as “Mom.” In fact, they referred to me by my name – such a welcome sound after being called everything but my name for days while I recovered from my cesarean section.
Really, what your column is about is that maybe male pediatricians are beginning to realize that assumptions some have made about how to address women who have added the additional facet of motherhood to their identity have known for a long time – we are more than what we do. Women who are physicians and mothers have been aware of this dynamic for a long time.
Kudos to you for being public about your realization and let it also be a call to all pediatricians to check their assumptions and how those assumptions are communicated through language. I think we should all be willing to humbly ask our patients, “What is your preferred name?” It is an icebreaker that imparts respect, humbleness, and kindness in one fell swoop. Thank you again for your thoughts.
Bernetta L. Avery, M.D.
Portland, Ore.
Dr. Wilkoff responds: Great e-mail. I like your suggestion of the icebreaker. I think with your advice I would (if I were still practicing) change my opening line to something like yours. I think it helps a lot of us do the best thing.