Too lazy
I am a western New York pediatrician in my 25th year of practice, and I find your columns both interesting and down to earth. However, I think your “A defining Mom-ent” column misses an important point.
My path to medicine was circuitous, and I began medical school with a 5-year-old daughter, delivered my second child at the beginning of the third year of medical school, and my third child was born a week after finishing my residency. I was a “multifaceted” (as you say), although somewhat different individual at each of these deliveries, and at each one, I was referred to as “Mom” by a variety of medical personnel – nurses and physicians alike. Each time was uncomfortable, not because I felt my identity was not defined by motherhood alone, but because it appeared that either the individual using the title had been too lazy to check the chart for my name and/or because the use of that title by that individual seemed at best inappropriate and at worst condescending.
“Mom” is both a word and a title (hence capitalized when a title and not when used as a noun) and, as a title, has limited appropriate use. Only my daughters have the right to call me “Mom.”
I ask you, Dr. Wilkoff, how would you feel if the young check-out person at your grocery store concluded your transaction with, “Have a great day, Gramps.”?
Dolores C. Leonard, M.D. (also “Mom” and “Grandma” to select people)
Buffalo
Dr. Wilkoff responds: I received two previous letters from female pediatricians, one who shares your view and experience and one who is untroubled by the issue. I think your point about the inappropriate familiarity is spot on, but clearly the woman who wrote the original letter to the New York Times was having trouble with her identity, a problem that neither you nor the other responders to my column seem to share. Thanks for writing and thanks more for responding.