Introducing the Topic
When you bring parents into the room, let them know that there is something important and difficult that you need to discuss with them together. Ask if they have noted any changes in their child’s behavior, school performance, or demeanor. Have they had any worries about their teenager? If they have, affirm that they are picking up on something real, and ask more about it. If they have not, offer that their child has been doing a valiant job of soldiering through their days while managing some strong and difficult thoughts and feelings. Walk them through some of what you have learned from your patient, always inviting your patient to affirm or add to what you are detailing. Most parents are keenly aware of the prevalence of suicidal thoughts during adolescence. Bring it into the open, and offer that the next steps are going to be to add more adults to their child’s orbit to help diagnose and treat any underlying psychiatric illness. Reassure them that you are confident that psychiatric illnesses are treatable, even curable. Reassure them that one of the best safety measures is good communication and connectedness with parents.
Help Parents to Be Good Listeners
Some parents may respond with heightened anxiety and need for reassurance from their child. Others may try to talk their child out of their suicidal thoughts. But your year is going so well! You got a great grade in calculus! Gently model validation: Acknowledge to the parents that it is understandable to feel worried or to look for a rational argument against suicide. Offer that feelings don’t usually respond to logic, but do improve with support and time. It may be better for everyone to treat this topic more like the weather so it is easier to talk about and manage. No one gets defensive or distressed if it’s raining, they just put on the right gear. Has the parent ever felt depressed? Did they ever have suicidal ideation growing up? Can they agree to check in at regular times? Could the child speak up if they are feeling badly? Can all agree that parents should check in if their child seems more down? Help them to acknowledge how hard it is to bear strong feelings, but that it is always better together.
Identify Coping Strategies
In front of parents, ask your patient if anything helps when they are feeling at their worst. If they can’t identify anything, offer some possibilities: a walk outside together? making art or music? being out in nature? snuggling with a beloved pet? a set of jumping jacks to get their heart rate up? a favorite playlist? Talking to a particular friend or relative? Make a list. Prioritize activities that are healthy and connect them to others when they are feeling their worst.
Focus on the Basics
Make a concrete and practical plan for steps they can all take to improve well-being. Start with strategies to ensure restful sleep at night, regular exercise, and healthy nutrition. Depression and anxiety often interfere with these functions, so families can work together to support them even while waiting for assessment by a psychiatrist. Help them identify modest rules or routines (consistent bedtime, no screens in the bedroom, a daily walk after dinner) that parents can set that will make a difference.